Why is it that cheeseballs only really seem appropriate in the few weeks surrounding Christmas? Maybe it’s because I go to my aunt and uncle’s house every Christmas after an enormous dinner with my family and still somehow eat the better half of a pecan cheeseball with cracked pepper water crackers. Or perhaps it could be because a “cheeseball” is exactly the right word to describe what I feel like after several nights of eggnog and Christmas cookies and, uh, cheeseball. Yeah, that’s probably it.
But really, the other 50 weeks of the year could pass by and my mind would not once even consider a cheeseball. Then, Christmas rolls around and this is suddenly a thing. It doesn’t make sense because cheese in a constant in my life and I would gladly eat this all day, every day. But for future reference, at least there’s buzzfeed to remind me of plenty of other occasions where cheeseballs are suitable.
The holiday cheeseball I made this year was a mildly disturbing yet intriguing pinecone-shaped ball of all things delicious. I made it for a Christmas party my roommates and I held at our house last weekend. As expected, the cheeseball sat on the table for a good hour and a half before someone had the courage to attack it with the cheese spreader. And once that first move was made, the cheeseball lived a very short life thereafter, soon turning into a small pile of residual almonds.
It’s a simple, do-ahead appetizer with a shockingly small list of ingredients despite having a good deal of flavor. This Paula Deen special (shocker!) contains a triad of delicious fats – cream cheese, mayo, bacon – with just dill weed and scallion added in for flavor. After a night’s rest in the fridge, the whole mass just needs to be shaped into a pinecone-ish shape, and covered in almonds. I also sprayed it with edible metallic gold spray because, why not? And that’s it! My only regret was not having ritz crackers…next time.
Holiday Pinecone Cheeseball
Adapted slightly from Paula Deen via Amy Sedaris
Makes one awesome cheeseball
1¼ cup whole unsalted almonds
1 8oz package cream cheese
½ cup mayonnaise
4 crispy cooked bacon slices, crumbled
½ tsp. dill weed
3 scallions, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
rosemary sprigs for garnish and crackers for serving
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Spread the almonds out on a cookie sheet and toast for 15 minutes. Once toasted, set aside to cool.
In a stand mixer, beat the cream cheese and mayo on medium speed until smooth, about 2 minutes. Add in the bacon, dill, scallions, salt, and pepper and mix to combine. Transfer to a container and chill overnight.
Before serving, use the cold cheeseball mixture to make a pinecone shape on a serving platter. Press the almonds into the cheeseball at a slight angle, beginning at the tapered end. Continue until the entire thing is covered. Keep chilled until ready to serve. Garnish the top with sprigs of rosemary and serve with crackers.